It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
