She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
