Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
