he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
two words...techno handjob
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
