this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
