I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
