You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
