i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
