Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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