just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
