Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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