I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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