My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
