Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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