so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
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