After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
