its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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