My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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