She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
