So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The air taste purple.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
