You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
