And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
