I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
