She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
