I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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