You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
