No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
