my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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