batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
