I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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