Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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