I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
