with your own penis?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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