All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We had sex on a dog bed..
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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