i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
