I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
