I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
