Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
