Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
