Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
