there were more penises there than on chat roulette
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
