Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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