How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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