remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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