you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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