Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
