I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
