You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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