it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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