Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
