I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
