If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
