Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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