My underwear smells like fireworks.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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