I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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