Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
